So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
