Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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