you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
