Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
