she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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