____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
