I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
