how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
