So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
