she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
