my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
