Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
