come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
