Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
