he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
