The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
