I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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