No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
