I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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