I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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