u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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