We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
