I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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