needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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