Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
