They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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