Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
