so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
