im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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