I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
