she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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