the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
