I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
