Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
