you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
