I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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