so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
