i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
