I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
