If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
