oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
