I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
