Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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