I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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