no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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