Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
