We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
