i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
