Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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