"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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