Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
