i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
