Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
