Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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