it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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